Learning to take control of our mind & incessant thoughts is necessary for our well-being. Reframing our thoughts can be a powerful tool in anxiety management because it helps us look at the “what is” in a situation instead of the never-ending, anxiety-inducing “what-ifs”. And, unlike the all-too-common “toxic positivity” mindset, thought reformation and mindfulness allow us to accept uncomfortable feelings, give them the attention they need, and move forward in a productive, healthy, & realistic way.
Below are six common anxious thought patterns and examples of how you can reframe them. If you struggle with anxiety, I encourage you to use these concepts as a guide for you to reframe the thoughts that you struggle with the most!
1. The Fortune Teller
Triggered By: Predicting that something is going to go wrong and, therefore, living in a state of fear
“Something is going to go wrong; I just know it! I can feel it.”
The first step in reframing thoughts like this is to name your worst fear in the situation you’re concerned about. Then, think about ways you can manage that situation. This helps instill confidence and quell anxiety. Finally, incorporate grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present..the what is happening right now, not the “what if”.
Replacement thoughts:
“There are ups-and-downs to life, but living in fear is exhausting & ruining the moment.”
“What’s really the worst thing that could happen in this situation? How likely is that to happen?”
“If the worst-case scenario did happen, how could I cope with that? Now that I’ve decided that, I’m going to focus my attention on what’s happening now.”
2. The Ringleader
Triggered By: Thinking you are helpless if you can’t control a situation.
“I can’t handle being out of control. I don’t know what’s going to happen and I can’t bear it.”
Craving control, while understandable, isn’t healthy or realistic for living with ease. Instead of falling prey to feeling helpless, reframe how you can manage your distress and find a practical way to cope with anxious feelings.
Replacement thoughts:
“It is hard for me to feel out of control and have things be uncertain, but we all experience situations like this. I’m not alone.”
“Even though this is out of my control, I can control how I react one moment at a time.”
“I can acknowledge this is hard for me and will find a way to handle this.” (i.e. go for a mindful walk to relieve anxiety & distract from thoughts).
3. The People Pleaser
Triggered By: Assuming your loved ones are upset with you
“He/she isn’t answering my texts or phone calls. Oh shoot, I really shouldn’t have shared what was on my mind. Are they mad at me? They must be mad at me. I really screwed up.”
Thoughts involving other people can quickly snowball, but using realistic expectations to reframe these thoughts can help stop these thoughts from getting out of control. Try not to personalize the actions of others (“If they take this long to text me back then that means ________”) or make assumptions (“If they aren’t responding they must be doing something shady”). Learning healthy communication styles can ease anxiety too!
Replacement thoughts:
“I’m not sure why they aren’t responding, but that doesn’t mean it’s because of me.”
“Instead of jumping to conclusions now, I can wait a reasonable amount of time for a response. I can always ask what’s going on if I still feel uneasy later.”
“Assuming or pretending to be a mind reader won’t get me anywhere and isn’t fair to them.”
4. The Perfectionist
Triggered By: Making a mistake in the school or work setting (or anywhere for that fact).
“I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I sent that paper/report out with that typo. What if everybody thinks I’m incompetent or that I don’t care to do a good job?”
Perfectionism will wear you down mentally, physically, & emotionally. You can change a self-critical mindset by focusing on what you can learn from the situation instead of the mistake you made. And, chances are, the mistake you made was not detrimental. Looking at the big-picture quality of your work and viewing the instance as a learning experience is far more constructive than beating yourself up about it.
Replacement thoughts:
“In the grand scheme of things, the content of my work was on point. People will recognize that.”
“Everybody makes mistakes. In the future, I can give myself time to review more carefully and/or have others look over my work so this doesn’t happen again.”
“While I wish I caught that mistake before I pressed send, I’m really proud of myself for ________.”
5. The Social Butterfly
Triggered By: Embarrassing yourself in a social setting.
“I can’t believe I just said/did that! Are they laughing at me? Oh my gosh, I’m such an idiot. I have to leave now!”
Feelings of embarrassment can get us worked up really fast, which is why it’s helpful to remind ourselves that we hold onto our criticisms longer than anyone else. People generally forget any mistakes others make quickly compared to how long our mistakes linger in our minds.
Replacement thoughts:
“I am my own worst critic.”
“Others won’t remember this a week/month/year from now.”
“If I don’t make it a big deal out of it, others won’t either.”
6. The Repeater
Triggered By: Feeling anxious about being anxious and judging yourself for it.
“Ugh, I don’t know why I’m so anxious all the time. What is there to be anxious about? Nothing too terrible has happened to me. I’m so dramatic.”
Being judgmental and critical makes anxiety worse. In fact, studies show that this type of continual thought pattern can lead to elevated stress levels in your body and increased anxiety and/or depression. Learning to normalize feelings of anxiety as well as challenge “labeling” (i.e. “I always feel this way, “I am so dramatic.’) helps to remind you that you are not your anxiety or your perceived flaws.
Replacement thoughts:
“I notice that I am anxious right now, and I can recall times where I wasn’t as anxious.”
Being anxious is normal and can even be helpful at times; it affirms that I care and want things to turn out OK.”
“I’m not responsible for genetics that make me predisposed to being anxious. I am not my anxiety.”
By acknowledging and processing your anxiety instead of feeding into it, you can move past anxious thoughts more quickly and effectively. Reframing anxious thoughts ensure you aren’t suppressing your anxiety, but working through it in a healthy way.
Are anxious thoughts wearing you down? Send me a message to request to get on my waitlist for one-on-one, counseling sessions!